This is a simple three stage approach to counseling. This process is for those who come to you with a problem or simply wants to talk about something. It is for the 'normal neurotics just like me and you", not for dealing with those suffering from serious psychiatric conditions.

It is not a way to give advice (a common mistake for any counseling approach). If you adhere to this strategy, you'll do no harm and will likely do a lot of good.

Stage One: Listening

Listening involves understanding the content and the emotions that accompany it.

Cerebral understanding isn't enough.

Never make a statement that is a statement that defines the issue or of the other party's feelings. Instead, ask instead. Do not say, "You're feeling . . . " but instead, "Are you feeling . . ? ". Not, "The issue is . . ." but instead, "You think the problem is . . ." Or "The method you think of it . . . ". At this point, it might suffice to simply just say "uh-huh" or shake your head.

The process ends when the person begins to talk about the root of the issue. You'll know that you've done well when you get agreement to your suggestions of what the issue is and the feeling behind it.

Stage Two: Exploratory Listening

When the person talking to you feels heard they will move on to deeper things. In this moment, you are able to begin to ask questions. You can ask if they've ever had this experience before. What have they tried in similar situations and whether or not it worked If there are any thoughts or feelings that are going on for them. If you are able to clearly observe something provide observations about what you see. Things like, "You seem happy/sad/angry . . ." and the list goes on. In this case, it's better to ask a question instead of making an assertion.

The critical issue in this moment is staying in touch with their feelings at the level they feel them.

If you can't do this, tell them; don't fake it. You could say, "Sorry, I can't manage this at the moment." They'll appreciate it more than playing (and they'll be able to tell whether you're just playing).

This stage ends when the issue is viewed differently and a different perspective is gained.

Stage Three: Trying Different Things

When they begin to see things differently, they may begin to think about things differently, or at the very least, plan to.

The temptation when anyone is contacting you with an issue is to try and jump into this situation right away. This is not a good idea. What is needed is the opportunity to look into what's happening and then to view it in a new way.

At this point, you are able to offer suggestions on what has worked for you.

Do not get caught up in playing "Yes But . . . ".

If they offer reasons for why your suggestions won't work, don't argue. Instead, inquire about what they have tried, why it did not work, and how they could do differently next time.

You may want to organize that they can check in with you so that they can monitor the progress they make in their new method of working.

This phase is over when they attempt to demonstrate the new behavior with you, or when Amanda Smith they've got an idea of the new behavior they would like to test with other people.

The process is largely about listening.

The other person always knows more about their own situation than you do.

Don't give any advice on what people should do. In the final stage, you might want to share your experiences if you have dealt with a similar issue yourself.

With a bit of practice, you'll become quite proficient fast at this skill. You could end up becoming someone people come to 'for advice'. As long as you do follow this method and do not offer any advice, you will do lots of good and aid many others.